How to get rid of Gophers
On the left is a real gopher, on the right is a Hollywood gopher. Draw your own conclusions as to the "magic" of Hollywood.
The real gopher is a voracious eater that will decimate a garden or orchard. They just wanna eat your tasty food (or the roots of) before you do. There are several ways to get rid of gophers, the following is my way - The Burrito of DOOM. Disclaimer: this is to kill the gophers in your garden/orchard, use at your own risk.
Once you've been invaded, you have to act fast. Ignoring gophers will result in the loss of food, your food - the stuff that's supposed to keep you alive during & after the collapse.
When you see a mound, dig it up to find the tunnel(s).
Put a stick or something down the tunnel(s) to see how far it goes. Sometimes they stop relatively quickly or take a 90 degree turn, if you hit something, dig a little more and see. Do not use the B.O.D. next to/inside your garden - dig as far back as possible away from your food. This is to keep your food from being contaminated. You may have to remove some of your growing food, this is an unfortunate necessity - believe me, if you don't the gopher will. Don't bother trying to put a water hose down the hole to flood them out. You'll waste hundreds of gallons of water and won't even get them wet. They've planned for that, smart little buggers. C-4...if you actually have it, and want to waste some on a gopher, that's up to you, but don't call me when the black SUVs roll up.
It's time to make a burrito (or two) of doom. First, get some paper. I use (waste) copy paper that's already been printed on. It gives the gophers something to read while they dine. Put a paper towel under the copy paper as the peanut oil will soak through the copy paper. Next, get some peanut butter and put it on the copy paper in strips. It doesn't matter what kind of PB, the cheaper the better. They really like PB and their sense of smell brings them to the B.O.D. But if not, gophers usually make the rounds of their tunnel system every 24 hours or so, eventually they will run into it.
Next up, pellets of death.
These pellets, after eaten, make the rodents bleed out internally. They'll do it to anything else too, so make sure you store it out of reach of your pet, and pick up any dropped pellets. Put the pellets generously on the peanut butter. Use gloves of some sort so it's not absorbed through your skin. Do not breathe the dust. Remember this stuff is meant to kill things. This pail of pellets was $16 at Lowes.
Wash your hands immediately after this step if you don't use gloves.
Then cut into strips and roll up. In the above picture, I roll from bottom to the top.
DO NOT EAT IT! It is NOT for human consumption.
Take the Burrito(s) of doom out to the gopher hole(s), and insert into hole(s).
Take the stick (or whatever) you used before and shove that B.O.D. as far into the hole as you can.
Fill in the entire hole, tamp it down, repeat until ground is fairly level and dirt is evenly distributed.
If more mounds pop up, repeat as many times as it takes.
If the gopher comes out and croaks above ground, get it buried/disposed of quickly so your pet or other wildlife doesn't eat it. The dead gopher can kill other animal life if eaten. Don't use the B.O.D. in a pet area where pets can dig it up and possibly eat it. In other words, take care where and how you use the Burrito of DOOM.
