Keeping a sense of humor can go a long way in helping us deal with stressful times. Threading the needle with humorous thread here. Got any funnies to add?
LAUGH: staying light-hearted during stressful times
What is an atheist's biggest problem?
No one to talk to during orgasm.
I take Viagra so I don't pee on my shoes!
My mate's missus left him last Thursday
She said she was going out for a pint of milk but never came back,
I asked him how he was coping and he said"not bad, I've been using that powdered milk".
A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband, I look horrible, I feel fat & ugly, pay me a compliment.'
He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'
I was at my bank today; there was a short line. Just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?' The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations.' The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people too!
Now this is some creative swearing and has topical political content toboot ! Made me laugh out loud.
(NB, lots of swearwords)
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, hehehehe
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A:Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first