HAPPY FIFTH BIRTHDAY TFMR!!!

63
Wed, Jun 15, 2016 - 1:08pm

You made it Turd! After all the last five years brought, you and the site not only survived, you thrived!!! Congratulations on a major achievement, and on your hard-earned success. Thanks for letting all of us come along for the ride...

As promised, here is the celebratory poster including (I really hope) all those who stated a desire to be on it, during last night and the overnight thread. When you get a chance, pop open a cold one and raise a glass our hardworking and fearless leader, to the great company and good people we have found at this place, and to all of you hearty souls- you've just survived a BRUTAL 4.5 year bear market in the metals that would have driven off lesser souls (and did, in many cases!) Yet the cream rises to the top. Good on ya, Turdville.

If you are so inclined, share a favorite TFMR story or two when you get a chance, in the comments section. Favorite stories? Worst day? Funniest thing you saw here? Most memorable post?

Happy Birthday TFMR!

About the Author

  63 Comments

  Refresh
Ferd Torgerson
Jun 19, 2016 - 11:10am

From the Fjords to the Big Time - Episodes III through VII

Episodes I and II are on page 2 of the comments for this thread.

Episode III (A Promising Acting Career Cut Short)

With his appearance in the BBC sketch drawing critical acclaim, Lars believed his career on the stage was about to take off.

Then, disaster!! Young Lars was named as the “correspondent” in a contentious divorce case between a member of the Python cast and his wife. The photographic evidence presented by the husband’s private detective seemed conclusive.

Thankfully, a document forensics expert demonstrated in court how Lars’ image had been super-imposed onto the photograph of the wife. Lars was overjoyed to be dropped from the suit. But, as happens so often in life, to some, being accused is tantamount to guilt – regardless of legal outcome. Cleese and Idle told Lars that he’d best seek employment away from the stage. While damaging to the extreme, Lars would profit from this experience by taking as a lifelong hobby the study of image modification – a skill that would serve him well in future years.

His career in shambles and his name besmirched, Lars knew he would have to re-invent himself if he was to succeed. He used the royalties from his Python appearance to engage a speech coach at night to assist with his diction. By day, he supported himself working as a security guard at the famed Piccadilly Arcade in London.

Over the next year, Lars developed a smooth, pleasant basso voice. Completion of his speech courses could not have come at a better time. The local constabulary had admonished him on numerous occasions for using excessive force against shoplifters.

The end of this particular gig, however, came during the New Year’s Eve party for the staff of the Arcade. Well into his cups, Lars landed on the edge of the punchbowl, looked into the eyes of the wife of the Managing Director and asked if she was “a goer”. (Nudge-nudge indeed!).

Undaunted by his latest misadventure and ready for a change, Lars was confident he could leverage his euphonious vocal delivery as a narrator of audiobooks. That soon proved problematic. While his voice received better than passing grades, he could not overcome sudden urges to blurt phrases and profanities he had picked up years earlier. When reading the chapter of “Hunt for Red October” where the body of the Red October’s political officer was discovered, Lars inexplicably departed from the script and yelled, “He’s joined the choir invisible!” In a later chapter, after Red October rammed and sank the pursuing Soviet submarine Konovalov, Lars substituted “I fart in your general direction” for the expected line by the Sean Connery character.

A sad ending to yet another attempt to find his place in the sun. But, never one to quit, Lars soon devised an audacious plan that would lead him in a new direction.

Episode IV (Lars Hits the Big Apple)

Sick of Britain, Lars decided to pursue his fortunes in America. Borrowing a few thousand pounds from Lars Sr. and Ilsa back in Norway, young Lars opened an upscale restaurant and cabaret in the heart of the theater district in New York City. Not wanting to fashion his establishment after his father’s popular “American Café” of the 1940’s, Lars chose instead to name his new venture after Signor Ferrari’s competing establishment in Casablanca. The opening night for “The Blue Parrot” was an overwhelming success.

The Blue Parrot quickly became the “go to” place for the beautiful people and intelligentsia of New York. Dressed in his finest threads, Lars was a striking figure as he hobnobbed with playwrights, actors, theater critics and political power-brokers. In an unexpected tribute, Lars made the cover of a prestigious magazine.

It wasn’t long before some started suggesting he try to resurrect his acting career, host a local television talk show or run for mayor of the City. They were quick to point out, however, that he would benefit in these efforts by making certain changes to his appearance.

Lars knew in his heart that they were correct. Having the money to pay for the changes, he was told by doctors they would require a couple of years to complete. And, he’d have to be away from the Blue Parrot for all that period. The money was coming in faster than it could be deposited so the club would be able to take care of itself. He ran an ad in the employment section of the WSJ for someone to manage it in his absence. After interviewing several candidates, Lars hired and introduced Paddy Murphy to his rich clients as his stand-in and took his leave to begin his arduous series of procedures.

Episode V (“What the Hell?!!”)

Let us fast-forward two years. Lars was pleased with the amazing results that his money and the surgeons’ efforts had wrought on his appearance.

As he strode triumphantly into the Blue Parrot expecting to surprise all his old friends, he immediately detected that something was amiss. Had he done his due diligence in vetting Paddy Murphy, he’d have learned that Murphy had a checkered past. Far from being a Harvard MBA as Murphy had claimed, he was actually a petty criminal with a rap sheet dating back to 1978.

Starting with Level 3 misdemeanors, Murphy had steadily progressed through snapping at out-of-town tourists; stealing steaks from butcher shops; and, selling Rolex knock-offs on the sidewalks north of the Bronx.

From its former place as a popular watering hole for city’s elite, Murphy had transformed the Blue Parrot into “something completely different”. A few patrons had been driven away by the Monday night mud-wrestling contests, an innovation by Murphy that was first of its kind in the country. More of the herd was thinned by “Drink ‘til Ye Puke” Wednesdays. But it was the bloody beat-downs occasioned by the weekend “Shillelagh Fightin’ Contests” that was sufficient cause to effect abandonment of the Blue Parrot by the remaining faithful.

Heartbroken, Lars terminated Murphy and tried to turn his beloved restaurant around. However, the damage had been done. He closed the Blue Parrot three months after returning. Alas, his troubles didn’t end there. Murphy had neglected to pay the city/state alcohol taxes over the past two years and pocketed the monies instead. Faced with demands for tens of thousands of dollars in taxes, penalties and interest, Lars was forced once again to call on his parents for assistance.

(Murphy, on the other hand, would graduate to bigger and greater scores. But, that will have to wait for a future story).

Episode VI (An Entry into Academia)

Having already re-invented himself several times, Lars knew he had only one chance left to choose a career that he could settle into. He returned to school to further his education. Years of hard study led to first a Bachelor’s degree, then a Master’s degree and, finally, to a PhD in Pure and Applied Logic. With his superior grades, commanding physical presence and excellent speaking voice, Lars had his choice of professorships at a number of universities. He accepted a position in the Mathematics Department of a university in Salem, Massachusetts.

At the bottom of the tenure hierarchy, Lars despaired at the long road he faced in advancing through the ranks in his department. He took great pains to “do all the right things” expected of a new professor. He ingratiated himself with the faculty by becoming a regular at the monthly wine and cheese tastings.

Hoping to expedite his advancement, he hit upon a plan that was equal parts genius and treachery. His aim was to leverage upon the hysteria that had gripped Salem centuries earlier. At the next tasting, halfway through a bottle of 92 La Mondotte 2004 Saint-Emilion, he put his plan to work by denouncing the next professor ahead of him in tenure as a witch. As evidence, he presented a newt (taken from a nearby campus pond), alleging that it was one of the professor’s students.

Burning at the stake wasn’t considered politically correct, but that professor was quickly stripped of tenure.

Pleased with his initial results, Lars further refined his plan by developing a logic diagram to help support his assertions in future confrontations.

Formerly an opportunity for camaraderie and intelligent discourse, over the next several months the wine and cheese tastings became occasions of dread for Lars’ colleagues. As the population of newts on campus declined, so, too, did the number of tenured professors. In this manner, within a year, Lars had advanced to become Head of the Mathematics Department.

His first goal secured, Lars mapped out his plan to climb the final rung at the University.

Episode VII (“Back to the Fjords”)

Now Head of the Mathematics Department, Lars set his sights on becoming President of the University. At the next tasting party, armed with a freshly caught newt in one hand and yet another bottle of fine merlot in the other, Lars stepped forward to begin his usual rant. Unbeknown to him, the President of the University was, in fact, a witch, several generations removed from one of the Salem originals. Lars had no sooner uttered his first two syllables (“She’s a . .”) than he was transformed, not into a newt, but, ironically, into a parrot.

Unable to conduct classes while balancing on a perch and with a voice not at all conducive to lectures, Lars was soon forced to surrender his position at the University.

Out of academia due to the carve-up in Salem, Lars has satisfied himself with other pursuits. He has spent considerable time increasing the value of his parents’ gold and silver holdings by watching for bottoms and buying the dips. He often posts his considered opinions on precious metals blogs and has authored several quite amusing poems, complete with illustrations.

Drawing heavily on his artistic talents, several months ago Lars published his labor of love, a children’s book of rhyme titled, “Let Me Hit It with This Thang”.

Years in its composition and illustration, the book chronicled the travels of a poor, bizarre-looking Southern cartoon character with a magical hammer traveling the country, offering help to people with difficult problems. Obviously autobiographical in nature, Lars intended his work to show children the value of hard work and perseverance as he had himself experienced. Sadly, parents of this generation had little interest in exposing their offspring to such concepts. At the same time, the hooty-tooty literary critics panned the book. One ass-hat reviewer commented that Lars’ pairing of words such as “house” with “mouse” and “box” with “fox” in the rhyme scheme “ . . . seemed somewhat artificial and contrived”.

Thinking his work a failure, Lars sold the rights to the title and the lyrics of his book to a little-known Georgia garage band for 0.29. Marrying heavy metal guitars with deafening percussion, and screaming the lyrics with several obscenities they had added on their own, the Butthurt Warriors introduced “Let Me Hit It with This Thang” as the title track of their debut album. The song and the album have already gone platinum.

Sadly, the only lasting contribution Lars will be able to claim as his own in the world of arts and entertainment will be his having penned the lyrics to this perennial favorite among preppers and stackers.

Fellow Turdites, please click on the below video and stand and sing along in tribute to Lars Nilson.

Trololo Sing Along!

Thank you. You may be seated.

Having succeeded, at least partially, in everything he set out to do years ago, Lars is preparing to return home to Norway to rejoin Lars, Sr., and Ilsa who are now quite elderly. With every passing day, friends see more and more in his eyes a certain yearning, a wistful longing, a “Pining”, as it were, “for the Fjords”. It is there that he plans to live out his remaining days.

Finis

Dyna mo hum
Jun 16, 2016 - 11:44am
crylandjr
Jun 16, 2016 - 10:00am

Ferd T

Hilarious!

Ferd Torgerson
Jun 16, 2016 - 9:16am

From the Fjords to the Big Time - Episode II

Episode II (Rick and Ilsa - A New Beginning)

Not feeling completely safe, even after the war, Rick Blaine knew there were “dead-ender” Nazis still looking for him in Scandinavia. To escape detection, Rick changed his name to “Lars Nilson”. He and Ilsa moved to Jarlsberg where he took employment in a small dairy making gourmet cheeses.

The couple felt blessed when they learned a few months later that Ilsa was expecting.

It was cold and snowing on the morning that Lars Nilson, Jr. came into the world. His parents noted right away that little Lars bore no resemblance to either side of the family.

At first an unseemly-looking child, he gradually shed his baby fat and matured into a promising athlete and an apt student. Lars and Ilsa nurtured “Little Lars” all the way through his youth and into secondary school. With “Big Lars’ “considerable wealth, they provided young Lars every advantage and luxury that could be bestowed upon a young man. Lars, Ilsa and Lars, Jr. spent many joyous weekends sailing and fishing the fjords near Jarlsberg.

Refusing to be confined by the conventions of his hometown upbringing, Lars Jr. said good-bye to Jarlsberg in late 1968 and made his way to England. Having shown promise in drama classes in secondary school, Lars wanted to pursue a career as an actor. Over many months, going from audition to audition and screen test to screen test, Lars concluded that directors were not keen on actors with blue plumage and screechy voices. Running out of money, discouraged and ready to return home, he was excited when, in December 1969, he landed a non-speaking part in a short British comedy sketch.

To Be Continued in Episode III (A Promising Acting Career Cut Short)

murphy
Jun 16, 2016 - 8:23am

Fondest memory & @ JY

I think it was Labor Day weekend 2011. After the May smack down from $50 to $33, we had clawed our way back into the $40's and there was unfettered joy and optimism.

The site exploded with Turdites posting youtube links to song after song. Some of the best musical sets one could ever hope to hear.

I have tried to find a link to access it to no avail. It seems the search archive only goes back to 2013.

@ JY- I know you are a search engine master, maybe you could locate it?

PS- even more important though is meeting with Mr Pining more than once to share thoughts and laughs. All of us are better people for him sharing himself here with us.

silverflower
Jun 16, 2016 - 7:58am

I think after 5 Yrs Turdville it's also time to remember

that we lost at least one Turdite (yes, he sometimes was wearing the Turdite hat in his videos) that I considered as a very good person: Jim Comiskey. I am still proud that he considered me as a friend.

BIGNASTY
Jun 16, 2016 - 12:57am

Happy 5th Turdville..............................

Turd congrats for creating the best metals site on the net. You are truly a man of great skill, keeping us informed and all us knuckle heads on track. Thanks to all who have help me have a much better grasp of many issues.

Pining thanks for all you do, you find a way to put a smile on my face with every post!

What If
Jun 15, 2016 - 11:34pm

What if I would have

What if I would have not found this site? I would have been broke. TF gave me the confidence to what I needed to do and that was invest in gold and silver.

So thanks to Craig for this site you have gave alot of people in sights to whats going on in the central bank world.

Pining you have a catalyst for creative ability. Thats for what you do. We love you.

Visit the FAQ page to learn how to track your last read comment, add images, embed videos, tweets, and animated gifs, and more.

What If
Jun 15, 2016 - 11:34pm

What if I would have

What if I would have not found this site? I would have been broke. TF gave me the confidence to what I needed to do and that was invest in gold and silver.

So thanks to Craig for this site you have gave alot of people in sights to whats going on in the central bank world.

Pining you have a catalyst for creative ability. Thats for what you do. We love you.

Royal Flush
Jun 15, 2016 - 11:12pm

OMG!

It's like a flash of lightning just hit me. I have suddenly just now remembered all of my old lawyer jokes! :P lol

Subscribe or login to read all comments.

Contribute

Donate Shop

Get Your Subscriber Benefits

Private iTunes feed for all TF Metals Report podcasts, and access to Vault member forum discussions!

Key Economic Events Week of 9/14

9/15 8:30 ET Empire State and Import Price Idx
9/15 9:15 ET Cap Ute and Ind Prod
9/16 8:30 ET Retail Sales
9/16 10:00 ET Business Inventories
9/16 2:00 ET FOMC Fedlines
9/16 2:30 ET Powell Presser
9/17 8:30 ET Philly Fed
9/18 8:30 ET Current Acct Deficit

Key Economic Events Week of 9/7

9/9 10:00 ET JOLTS job openings
9/10 8:30 ET Initial jobless claims
9/10 8:30 ET PPI
9/10 10:00 ET Wholesale Inventories
9/11 8:30 ET CPI
9/11 9:45 ET Core CPI

Key Economic Events Week of 8/31

9/1 9:45 ET Markit Manu Index
9/1 10:00 ET ISM Manu Index
9/1 10:00 ET Construction Spending
9/2 8:15 ET ADP employment
9/2 10:00 ET Goon Williams
9/2 10:00 ET Factory Orders
9/3 8:30 ET Initial jobless claims
9/3 8:30 ET Trade Deficit
9/3 12:30 ET Goon Evans
9/4 8:30 ET BLSBS

Key Economic Events Week of 8/24

8/24 8:30 ET Chicago Fed Idx
8/25 10:00 ET Consumer Confidence
8/26 8:30 ET Durable Goods
8/27 8:30 ET Q2 GDP 2nd guess
8/27 9:10 ET Chief Goon Powell Jackson Hole
8/28 8:30 ET Pers Inc and Consumer Spend
8/28 8:30 ET Core Inflation
8/28 9:45 ET Chicago PMI

Key Economic Events Week of 8/17

8/17 8:30 ET Empire State Manu Idx
8/17 Noon ET Goon Bostic
8/18 8:30 ET Housing Starts
8/19 2:00 pm ET July FOMC minutes
8/20 8:30 ET Jobless claims
8/20 8:30 ET Philly Fed
8/20 10:00 ET LEIII
8/21 9:45 ET Markit flash PMIs July

Key Economic Events Week of 8/10

8/10 10:00 ET Job openings
8/11 8:30 ET Producer Price Idx
8/12 8:30 ET Consumer Price Idx
8/13 8:30 ET Initial jobless claims
8/13 8:30 ET Import Price Idx
8/14 8:30 ET Retail Sales
8/14 8:30 ET Productivity & Unit Labor Costs
8/14 8:30 ET Cap Ute and Ind Prod
8/14 10:00 ET Business Inventories

Key Economic Events Week of 8/3

8/3 9:45 ET Markit Manu PMI July
8/3 10:00 ET ISM Manu PMI July
8/3 10:00 ET Construction Spending
8/4 10:00 ET Factory Orders
8/5 8:15 ET ADP employment July
8/5 9:45 ET Markit Service PMI
8/5 10:00 ET ISM Service PMI
8/6 8:30 ET Initial jobless claims
8/7 8:30 ET BLSBS for July
8/7 10:00 ET Wholesale Inventories

Key Economic Events Week of 7/27

7/27 8:30 ET Durable Goods
7/28 9:00 ET Case-Shiller home prices
7/29 8:30 ET Advance trade in goods
7/29 2:00 ET FOMC Fedlines
7/29 2:30 ET CGP presser
7/30 8:30 ET Q2 GDP first guess
7/31 8:30 ET Personal Income and Spending
7/31 8:30 ET Core inflation
7/31 9:45 ET Chicago PMI

Key Economic Events Week of 7/20

7/21 8:30 ET Chicago Fed
7/21 2:00 ET Senate vote on Judy Shelton
7/22 10:00 ET Existing home sales
7/23 8:30 ET Jobless claims
7/23 10:00 ET Leading Economic Indicators
7/24 9:45 ET Markit flash PMIs for July

Key Economic Events Week of 7/13

7/13 11:30 ET Goon Williams speech
7/13 1:00 ET Goon Kaplan speech
7/14 8:30 ET CPI for June
7/14 2:30 ET Goon Bullard speech
7/15 8:30 ET Empire State and Import Price Idx
7/15 9:15 ET Cap Ute and Ind Prod
7/16 8:30 ET Retail Sales and Philly Fed
7/16 11:00 ET Goon Williams again
7/17 8:30 ET Housing Starts and Permits

Forum Discussion