Soccer! America's New Favorite Pastime...or Trojan Horse? ;-)

Fri, Jul 4, 2014 - 2:33am

Happy 4th of July! Please do not take this post too seriously! It is not about metals, or necessarily anything of importance! It is simply meant to provide a diversion for the holiday weekend. Enjoy! Or don't! :-)

So we must be officially in the Twilight Zone when liberal blowhard Keith Olbermann joins conservative blowhard Ann Coulter in bashing the pretentious nature of soccer!

First, Coulter stirred up trouble when she wrote her infamous anti-soccer piece, AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER. Among other snide remarks, she wrote:

(6) I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer. The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO's "Girls," light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton. The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is "catching on" is exceeded only by the ones pretending women's basketball is fascinating. 

I note that we don't have to be endlessly told how exciting football is. ​

She then followed this up with SOCCER: PART DEUX:

The massive and hysterical response to my jovial sports piece proves how right I was. Nothing explains the uniform, Borg-like caterwauling, but that soccer is a game for beret-wearers. Most of the articles attacking me are verbless strings of obscenities, their subject matter identified only in the title. 

Well, she's in good company. Here's a video of Keith Olbermann ranting about the pretentious of soccer. I am not a fan of Keith Olbermann, but this epic rant is one of the funniest things I've seen in a while:

How to Make Soccer Work in America

He laments the un-American names of American soccer teams (suggesting that the Dallas name should be something like the "Dallas Texas Cowboy Oil Stars"). While apologizing for his "jingoism," he blasts American men for trying to be "British soccer fan junior."

Wow. He's sounding just like Coulter! We have truly landed in an alternate universe! But could Coulter and Olbermann be onto something?

I had to look it up and see if, indeed, there was some sort of conspiracy involving soccer. Sure enough, "Before It's News," THE tabloid of the conspiracy community, did not disappoint. Here is what I found under this blazing headline:

Insider Leaks Entire New World Order Agenda!

Among the sinister items to be implemented, soccer is mentioned not once, but twice:

Girls would be discouraged from playing with dolls so they wouldn’t think about babies. They would be encouraged to get out on the soccer field instead

Sports would be used as a tool for social change – Soccer was being encouraged since it was a global game. They wanted to do away with anything like football and baseball that were created in the United States. National pride of any type would be discouraged.

Well, folks, there you have it. Soccer is a tool of the NWO. Whooda thunk it? 

P.S. If you find this post offensive due to your love of soccer, and/or can't take a joke, to quote Keith Olbermann: "What are you, in a cult?"

P.P.S. My making light of Before It's News and a potential soccer conspiracy in no way means I am saying there is no such thing as the New World Order. However, if soccer was the worst thing they could throw at us, I'd be quite OK with that. ;-)

Stephanie invites you to blog at Freeople...if you have something worthwhile to say. 

About the Author


Jul 4, 2014 - 3:04am

Soccer is a UK invention

but I never liked it, you can have it, please.

Jul 4, 2014 - 3:22am

"if you find this post offensive"

Thanks Stephanie. Heaven resides within our hearts. Humour and laughter is a spiritual awakening that is our best hope for peace on earth. People who sell their soul for financial gain are losers even if they win. Our lives are the greatest gift we will ever know. All the best to all.

Jul 4, 2014 - 3:48am

It Started With The Introduction Of...

...The phrase "soccer moms."

Jul 4, 2014 - 4:51am

.I'm Jake the peg

Rolf Harris is a done deal!

Jul 4, 2014 - 5:27am

Happy 4th The US We are all

Happy 4th The US

We are all hoping.

Denis Leary - Asshole (Uncensored Version)
Jul 4, 2014 - 5:34am

Hammer's Permabull Glossary

Analysts. Highly paid cheerleaders who figure out ways to make stocks appear cheap

Bad news. Events that cause the Federal Reserve to cut interest rates so that share prices go up

Bears. Sad, lonely people who don't appreciate why equity prices invariably move higher

Brokers. Specially-trained relationship managers who convert mere mortals into super-bulls

Bulls. Well-bred equity investors

Bond market. The place where stock market bears are sent out to pasture for their wayward views

Cash. Realized gains that equity investors spend on fancy vacations and assorted luxury items

Dividends. A positive influence on stock prices

Economy. An irrelevant side show to what happens in the equity market

Fear. An emotion that bulls experience when they are not 100% invested

Federal Reserve Board. A group of public officials who do their best to ensure that bulls are happy

Fundamentals. Anything that can help explain why stock prices rally

Greed. The only emotion that matters when it comes to playing the stock market

Hedge funds. Aggressive investors who use lots of leverage to ensure that stock prices eventually go up

Interest rates. A factor that occasionally serves as an explanation for why stocks rally

Leverage. The fail-safe strategy of using borrowed money to boost returns as share prices rise

Losses. The net result of selling short and listening to bond traders

Mutual funds. Investment vehicles that enable bulls to remain fully invested in the equity market at all times

Short-sellers. Dour individuals who scramble to cover bad bets as stock prices rally

Strategists. Highly paid cheerleaders who figure out ways to make stocks appear cheap

Wall Street. The place where bulls congregate and fawn over one another

Jul 4, 2014 - 5:38am

....and a little blast from

....and a little blast from the past from 2009......smiley

Happy Birthday you wonderfully crazy folks :)

GLIMMERS OF HOPE - Harry Shearer: Politics
Jul 4, 2014 - 5:45am

Hammer's rules

Male Rules.
1. Men ARE not mind readers.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

3. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

5. Crying is blackmail.

6. Ask for what you want Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

7. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

8. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem See a doctor.

10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

11. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

12. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us

13. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .

14. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

15. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials

16. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

17. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

18. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

19. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

20. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

21. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine.........Really.

22. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

23 You have enough clothes.

24. You have too many shoes.

25. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.

Jul 4, 2014 - 5:55am

(No subject)


Redneck Ten Commandments
Video unavailable
Kenny Rogers & The First Edition - Just Dropped In (Live)
Gold Dog
Jul 4, 2014 - 6:19am


Until we get some soccer will remain in the badminton and croquet classes.

Your friend,


PS- God gave us hands for a reason-use them! My left foot indeed.

Jul 4, 2014 - 6:31am

Oops, football.

Oops, football.

The Football Diver Sniper Redux

Whereas rugby........also made in England.

Try Savers & Rib Breakers 11 - Huge rugby tackles compilation
Jul 4, 2014 - 6:38am
Jul 4, 2014 - 6:49am

caption contest

 Rolph Harris trap

Jul 4, 2014 - 6:51am


Soccer is what Hockey players play in the off season to stay in shape for next season. It is not a sport, it is a fitness activitydevil


and so you don't think I am picking on soccer players only

Jul 4, 2014 - 7:07am

"I knew I'd left it

"I knew I'd left it somewhere."

Gold Dog
Jul 4, 2014 - 7:15am


"C'mon Mr. Dog, hand some of that up to me....Pleeeease!"

Jul 4, 2014 - 7:23am

The contest

No winners yet, but keep trying.

Jul 4, 2014 - 7:25am

Nice entry caption try

Nice entry caption try atarangi.

keep trying ;)

Jul 4, 2014 - 7:46am

dr. jerome

is now top of the lederboard. Thank god for that - now we can all throw shit at him.

Jul 4, 2014 - 8:02am
Jul 4, 2014 - 8:06am

Dear Sir, ( letter from P.Enis)

1. I do physical labor.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.
7. I work in high temperatures.
8. My work exposes me to diseases.

Dear Mr.Penis, after assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the management denies your request for the following reasons:

1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
2. You work in short spurts and fall asleep after each brief work period.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
4. You do not stay in your designated area, and are often seen visiting other locations.
5. You do not take the initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
7. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
8. You will retire long before you are 65.
9. You are unable to work double shifts.
10. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
11. You have constantly been seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely, The Management

PLUS: 5 reasons not to be a penis...
1. You're bald your whole life.
2. You have a hole in your head.
3. Your neighbors are nuts.
4. The guy behind you is an ass hole and......
5. Every time you get excited, you throw up and then faint.

Jul 4, 2014 - 8:11am

lederhosen ?

is now top of the lederboard. Thank god for that - now we can all throw shit at him.


Jul 4, 2014 - 8:48am

Does sport shagging count?

Is that really a sport? I have many Gold Medals...........

Pattaya7 silver66
Jul 4, 2014 - 8:55am


How about the MF Prez Respecting the people he works for and the Constitution?

I want to see him given a fair trial and a long stint in prison for the corruption he has committed.

And please don't pretend you bath house Barry was gay and that Moochel is a Traanny. 

 I really ok with that but hey I live in Thailand.

Pattaya7 Pattaya7
Jul 4, 2014 - 8:56am

Oh and throw in Bush et al.

Can we did up Nixon and flog him too?

Jul 4, 2014 - 9:29am

funny stuff

Food for thought too, maybe soccer is just part of the "wussification of America"? I say that jokingly....... or do I?

Has anybody watched Eastbound and Down"?

Kenny Powers plays real sports

the soccer players seem to enjoy flopping far more than Vlade Divac or even Reggie Miller... I watch it at times, don't get me wrong. I think it's ok, but after the actual game is stopped for actors holding their knee for every possible injury I get annoyed. Don't be mad, but I'm glad USA has been eliminated. Now maybe our soccer rules people can figure out a way to make the world allow 6-10 fouls per game, per player. That would help. smiley

On the other hand, why the hell can't Aussie rules Footie catch on here in the states. That's an awesome game, same with rugby although Aussie footie has more long passes and is less about the scrum. At least that's how I remember it. Haven't seen either in a while because I killed my TV.

The great thing about soccer is that you can drop a soccer ball off to any group of kids in the world and they know what it is. They will probably have it destroyed within 24 hours but it WILL get used. It takes adults to ruin it for me... go figure.

Funny stuff Stephanie! Do they give out medals for world cup? We could pretend they are real and that would be PM related... oops, real medals, that's so 90 years ago or something.

Happy 4th to everyone, Happy belated Canada Day to my Canuckdian friends!

BagOfGold atarangi
Jul 4, 2014 - 9:29am
NW VIEW silver66
Jul 4, 2014 - 9:52am

@ silver66

The Joan Rivers video and her view have been out there for a long season. If the reports are true, would it make any difference to the voting public? Would the Obama "free cell phone" crowd turn in their phones? Would the progressives who are steering the country, abandon their ship? Would Hollywood make a new video like "We are the World" to denounce this alternate life style? Would Joan Rivers see this as a major problem for our culture?

If the President could/would run for a third term, he would win even if Joan is correct. This is just another item to pull us away from the real issues facing our nation and the entire world. The White House may not be what the minority are hoping for and the economy may be in free fall but our light has gone out for the nation and the world. Politicians can change, the economy could improve, metals could rebound, the borders could be secure, the chemtrails could be shut off, global warming could be seen as a cycle, and we could bring all of our troops home , however none of that will cure the "sickness" within the heart of mankind. 

America has only One Hope for the future and it is not in changing those within the White House. We have a representative governing system and we have been given what we deserve. What did we expect when we chased God out of our entire nation and replaced Him with Hollywood? jmo

silver66 NW VIEW
Jul 4, 2014 - 10:06am

NW VIEW -- Joan Rivers

Thanks for that post back, i guess i should have put (sarc) at the end of it.

i concur with your points


P.S. enjoy your holiday today

Jul 4, 2014 - 11:48am

@ Caption Contest

"Does this swimsuit make my ass look big?"

Become a gold member and subscribe to Turd's Vault


Donate  Shop

Get Your Subscriber Benefits

Exclusive discount for silver purchases, and a private iTunes feed for TF Metals Report podcasts!

Key Economic Events Week of 1/21

1/22 10:00 ET Existing Home Sales
1/24 9:45 ET Markit Manu and Svc PMI
1/24 10:00 ET Leading Econ Indicators
1/25 8:30 ET Durable Goods
1/25 10:00 ET New Home Sales

Key Economic Events Week of 1/14

1/15 8:30 am ET Producer Price Index
1/15 8:30 am ET Empire State Mfg. Index
1/16 8:30 am ET Retail Sales
1/16 8:30 am ET Import Price Index
1/17 8:30 am ET Housing Starts
1/17 8:30 am ET Philly Fed
1/18 9:15 am ET Capacity Utilization and Ind. Prod.

Key Economic Events Week of 1/7

1/7 10:00 ET ISM Services Index
1/7 10:00 ET Factory Orders
1/9 2:00 ET December FOMC minutes 
1/10 Speeches from CGP, Goons Bullard and Evans
1/11 8:30 ET CPI

Recent Comments

by Libero, 6 hours 49 min ago
by NW VIEW, Jan 23, 2019 - 11:55pm
by Turd Ferguson, Jan 23, 2019 - 11:10pm
by Green Lantern, Jan 23, 2019 - 10:38pm