Soccer! America's New Favorite Pastime...or Trojan Horse? ;-)

75
Fri, Jul 4, 2014 - 2:33am

Happy 4th of July! Please do not take this post too seriously! It is not about metals, or necessarily anything of importance! It is simply meant to provide a diversion for the holiday weekend. Enjoy! Or don't! :-)

So we must be officially in the Twilight Zone when liberal blowhard Keith Olbermann joins conservative blowhard Ann Coulter in bashing the pretentious nature of soccer!

First, Coulter stirred up trouble when she wrote her infamous anti-soccer piece, AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER. Among other snide remarks, she wrote:

(6) I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer. The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO's "Girls," light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton. The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is "catching on" is exceeded only by the ones pretending women's basketball is fascinating.

I note that we don't have to be endlessly told how exciting football is. ​

She then followed this up with SOCCER: PART DEUX:

The massive and hysterical response to my jovial sports piece proves how right I was. Nothing explains the uniform, Borg-like caterwauling, but that soccer is a game for beret-wearers. Most of the articles attacking me are verbless strings of obscenities, their subject matter identified only in the title.

Well, she's in good company. Here's a video of Keith Olbermann ranting about the pretentious of soccer. I am not a fan of Keith Olbermann, but this epic rant is one of the funniest things I've seen in a while:

How to Make Soccer Work in America

He laments the un-American names of American soccer teams (suggesting that the Dallas name should be something like the "Dallas Texas Cowboy Oil Stars"). While apologizing for his "jingoism," he blasts American men for trying to be "British soccer fan junior."

Wow. He's sounding just like Coulter! We have truly landed in an alternate universe! But could Coulter and Olbermann be onto something?

I had to look it up and see if, indeed, there was some sort of conspiracy involving soccer. Sure enough, "Before It's News," THE tabloid of the conspiracy community, did not disappoint. Here is what I found under this blazing headline:

Insider Leaks Entire New World Order Agenda!

Among the sinister items to be implemented, soccer is mentioned not once, but twice:

Girls would be discouraged from playing with dolls so they wouldn’t think about babies. They would be encouraged to get out on the soccer field instead

Sports would be used as a tool for social change – Soccer was being encouraged since it was a global game. They wanted to do away with anything like football and baseball that were created in the United States. National pride of any type would be discouraged.

Well, folks, there you have it. Soccer is a tool of the NWO. Whooda thunk it?

P.S. If you find this post offensive due to your love of soccer, and/or can't take a joke, to quote Keith Olbermann: "What are you, in a cult?"

P.P.S. My making light of Before It's News and a potential soccer conspiracy in no way means I am saying there is no such thing as the New World Order. However, if soccer was the worst thing they could throw at us, I'd be quite OK with that. ;-)

Stephanie invites you to blog at Freeople...if you have something worthwhile to say.

About the Author

  75 Comments

amarula4
Jul 4, 2014 - 3:04am

Soccer is a UK invention

but I never liked it, you can have it, please.

atarangi
Jul 4, 2014 - 3:22am

"if you find this post offensive"

Thanks Stephanie. Heaven resides within our hearts. Humour and laughter is a spiritual awakening that is our best hope for peace on earth. People who sell their soul for financial gain are losers even if they win. Our lives are the greatest gift we will ever know. All the best to all.

Occasnltrvlr
Jul 4, 2014 - 3:48am

It Started With The Introduction Of...

...The phrase "soccer moms."

atarangi
Jul 4, 2014 - 4:51am

.I'm Jake the peg

Rolf Harris is a done deal!

Hammer
Jul 4, 2014 - 5:27am

Happy 4th The US We are all

Happy 4th The US

We are all hoping.

Denis Leary - Asshole (Uncensored Version)
atarangi
Jul 4, 2014 - 5:34am

Hammer's Permabull Glossary

Analysts. Highly paid cheerleaders who figure out ways to make stocks appear cheap

Bad news. Events that cause the Federal Reserve to cut interest rates so that share prices go up

Bears. Sad, lonely people who don't appreciate why equity prices invariably move higher

Brokers. Specially-trained relationship managers who convert mere mortals into super-bulls

Bulls. Well-bred equity investors

Bond market. The place where stock market bears are sent out to pasture for their wayward views

Cash. Realized gains that equity investors spend on fancy vacations and assorted luxury items

Dividends. A positive influence on stock prices

Economy. An irrelevant side show to what happens in the equity market

Fear. An emotion that bulls experience when they are not 100% invested

Federal Reserve Board. A group of public officials who do their best to ensure that bulls are happy

Fundamentals. Anything that can help explain why stock prices rally

Greed. The only emotion that matters when it comes to playing the stock market

Hedge funds. Aggressive investors who use lots of leverage to ensure that stock prices eventually go up

Interest rates. A factor that occasionally serves as an explanation for why stocks rally

Leverage. The fail-safe strategy of using borrowed money to boost returns as share prices rise

Losses. The net result of selling short and listening to bond traders

Mutual funds. Investment vehicles that enable bulls to remain fully invested in the equity market at all times

Short-sellers. Dour individuals who scramble to cover bad bets as stock prices rally

Strategists. Highly paid cheerleaders who figure out ways to make stocks appear cheap

Wall Street. The place where bulls congregate and fawn over one another

Hammer
Jul 4, 2014 - 5:38am

....and a little blast from

....and a little blast from the past from 2009......

Happy Birthday you wonderfully crazy folks :)

GLIMMERS OF HOPE - Harry Shearer: Politics
atarangi
Jul 4, 2014 - 5:45am

Hammer's rules

Male Rules.
1. Men ARE not mind readers.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

3. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

5. Crying is blackmail.

6. Ask for what you want Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

7. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

8. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem See a doctor.

10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

11. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

12. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us

13. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .

14. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

15. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials

16. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

17. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

18. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

19. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

20. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

21. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine.........Really.

22. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

23 You have enough clothes.

24. You have too many shoes.

25. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.

Hammer
Jul 4, 2014 - 5:55am

(No subject)

Redneck Ten Commandments
Video unavailable
Kenny Rogers & The First Edition - Just Dropped In (Live)
Gold Dog
Jul 4, 2014 - 6:19am

Hooligans

Until we get some soccer will remain in the badminton and croquet classes.

Your friend,

Dog

PS- God gave us hands for a reason-use them! My left foot indeed.

Key Economic Events Week of 10/14

10/15 8:30 ET Empire State Fed MI
10/16 8:30 ET Retail Sales
10/16 10:00 ET Business Inventories
10/17 8:30 ET Housing Starts and Bldg Perms
10/17 8:30 ET Philly Fed MI
10/17 9:15 ET Cap Ute and Ind Prod
10/18 10:00 ET LEIII
10/18 Speeches from Goons Kaplan, George and Chlamydia

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Key Economic Events Week of 10/14

10/15 8:30 ET Empire State Fed MI
10/16 8:30 ET Retail Sales
10/16 10:00 ET Business Inventories
10/17 8:30 ET Housing Starts and Bldg Perms
10/17 8:30 ET Philly Fed MI
10/17 9:15 ET Cap Ute and Ind Prod
10/18 10:00 ET LEIII
10/18 Speeches from Goons Kaplan, George and Chlamydia

Key Economic Events Week of 10/7

10/8 8:30 ET Producer Price Index
10/9 10:00 ET Job Openings
10/9 10:00 ET Wholesale Inventories
10/9 2:00 ET September FOMC minutes
10/10 8:30 ET Consumer Price Index
10/11 10:00 ET Consumer Sentiment

Key Economic Events Week of 9/30

9/30 9:45 ET Chicago PMI
10/1 9:45 ET Markit Manu PMI
10/1 10:00 ET ISM Manu PMI
10/1 10:00 ET Construction Spending
10/2 China Golden Week Begins
10/2 8:15 ET ADP jobs report
10/3 9:45 ET Markit Service PMI
10/3 10:00 ET ISM Service PMI
10/3 10:00 ET Factory Orders
10/4 8:30 ET BLSBS
10/4 8:30 ET US Trade Deficit

Key Economic Events Week of 9/23

9/23 9:45 ET Markit flash PMIs
9/24 10:00 ET Consumer Confidence
9/26 8:30 ET Q2 GDP third guess
9/27 8:30 ET Durable Goods
9/27 8:30 ET Pers Inc and Cons Spend
9/27 8:30 ET Core Inflation

Key Economic Events Week of 9/16

9/17 9:15 ET Cap Ute & Ind Prod
9/18 8:30 ET Housing Starts & Bldg Perm.
9/18 2:00 ET Fedlines
9/18 2:30 ET CGP presser
9/19 8:30 ET Philly Fed
9/19 10:00 ET Existing Home Sales

Key Economic Events Week of 9/9

9/10 10:00 ET Job openings
9/11 8:30 ET PPI
9/11 10:00 ET Wholesale Inv.
9/12 8:30 ET CPI
9/13 8:30 ET Retail Sales
9/13 10:00 ET Consumer Sentiment
9/13 10:00 ET Business Inv.

Key Economic Events Week of 9/3

9/3 9:45 ET Markit Manu PMI
9/3 10:00 ET ISM Manu PMI
9/3 10:00 ET Construction Spending
9/4 8:30 ET Foreign Trade Deficit
9/5 9:45 ET Markit Svc PMI
9/5 10:00 ET ISM Svc PMI
9/5 10:00 ET Factory Orders
9/6 8:30 ET BLSBS

Key Economic Events Week of 8/26

8/26 8:30 ET Durable Goods
8/27 9:00 ET Case-Shiller Home Price Idx
8/27 10:00 ET Consumer Confidence
8/29 8:30 ET Q2 GDP 2nd guess
8/29 8:30 ET Advance Trade in Goods
8/30 8:30 ET Pers. Inc. and Cons. Spend.
8/30 8:30 ET Core Inflation
8/30 9:45 ET Chicago PMI

Key Economic Events Week of 8/19

8/21 10:00 ET Existing home sales
8/21 2:00 ET July FOMC minutes
8/22 9:45 ET Markit Manu and Svc PMIs
8/22 Jackson Holedown begins
8/23 10:00 ET Chief Goon Powell speaks

Key Economic Events Week of 8/12

8/13 8:30 ET Consumer Price Index
8/14 8:30 ET Retail Sales
8/14 8:30 ET Productivity & Labor Costs
8/14 8:30 ET Philly Fed
8/14 9:15 ET Ind Prod and Cap Ute
8/14 10:00 ET Business Inventories
8/15 8:30 ET Housing Starts & Bldg Permits

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