The Cremation of 2013

165
Mon, Dec 30, 2013 - 1:15pm

* With sincere apologies to Mr. Robert Service

There were strange things done by fluorescent sun

By the Federal Reserve of old

From Treasury pops to secret swaps

That would make your blood run cold

The Wall Street nights have seen strange sights

But the strangest ever, I’m told

Was that year, oh so mean, known as twenty thirteen

When they crushed the price of gold.

.

Now their program of easing had started a’wheezing

It was growing stale and weak

And they needed QE to infinity since

The economy was bleak

But they knew without doubt if they started to shout

“We’re full-on monetizing!”

They’d see interest explode and the US debt load

Would foil all their devising.

.

But the chairman stayed cool, he was nobody’s fool

So he didn’t shout or holler

He knew that if he could make gold sell-off

It would hide the foundering dollar

So he issued his orders to sell across borders

And the bullion banks complied

And they sold. And they sold. Paper mountains of gold

And the market recoiled at the tide.

.

But at some point that paper, despite rumors of taper,

Was a promise to deliver the metal

And the Chinese could see opportunity

And they bought those contracts to settle

Yes, the lower it got the more strongly they bought

For to ship it to the Swiss

To be quietly cast into kilogram bars

Before people noticed something amiss.

.

Meanwhile, as price was jolting down,

The banks called up the Fed.

“She canna’ take much more of this, Chairman!

When our gold is gone, we’re dead!”

The Chairman, nonplussed, assured “What’s the fuss?

You can raid the GLD.

Plus we’ll sell from OUR vault to avoid a default

But to manage perception is key!”

.

The banks weren’t assured. They proclaimed “That’s absurd!

Folks will know all those tons came from you!”

But the Chairman’s reply, with a wink of his eye,

Would mollify all but a few:

“We’ve the press on our side, and not to be snide,

But they’ll write whatever we tell them.

Just peddle some tale about the end of the bull

And if people have metals, to sell them.”

.

So gold and silver sold off, and the analysts scoffed:

Falling prices prove dying demand.

But all the while certain buyers just smiled

And that metal was bought with both hands.

.

At the end of the year Fed success was clear

With the metals near multi-year lows

And there were no audits, and the Chairman got plaudits

For his “brilliant” tapering pose.

As prepared to retire, the Chairman

Was feted and praised for stock’s gains

And the bankers got paid, politicians got laid,

Life was good in the land of Keynes.

.

But something was brewing, far over the seas

Dark rumors of debts to be paid

Of currency changes and metals exchanges

And the gold-backed settling of trade

Of six thousand tons imported to China

Or is ten a bit closer-on?

With some privately thinking “The dollar is stinking,

I wonder how it stacks with the Yuan?”

.

T’was the final day of the Chairman’s reign

His great retirement bash

And every financial tycoon would be there

To toast him (and his free cash)

But the Chairman just couldn’t shake the feeling

Of something weighing on his mind

So impetuously, he’d chosen, before it was frozen

To use his clearance one last time.

.

He phoned, scratched his beard, then the copter appeared

And whisked him to the gates

He showed his ID for the guards to see

And they shuttled him past the grates.

“Wait here” he said to the watchman inside

“I’d rather go on alone”

And he stepped cautiously, while he fished for the key,

‘Cross the slate-gray quarried stone

And with naught but a lantern, he swung wide the door

And the stale air blew past his face

And he willed his hand to raise the light

For to gaze on his private disgrace.

.

The vault was old. It was empty and cold

As bleak as the march of Sherman’s.

There were just a measly 200 tons left

And he owed that to the Germans.

The chairman shivered. It had all been delivered

To settle accounts and the score

And he searched in the quiet and could not deny it

The once great hoard was no more.

.

And to his surprise, he felt starting to rise

A sense of deep dread like a squall

And he thought, in confusion, “Wasn’t this Keynes conclusion?

That this shouldn’t matter at all?”

In the darkness he shouted at his partners in crime

“What of you, Mr. Greenspan? Or Burns?

What of you, Chairman Eccles? Or you, Chairman Miller?

At dis-hoarding, we ALL took our turns!”

But his voice merely echoed through the cavernous vaults

And it sounded a lot like a tomb.

Then the Chairman did see what his legacy would be…

And he quietly left the room.

.

There were strange things done by fluorescent sun

By the Federal Reserve of old

From Treasury pops to secret swaps

That would make your blood run cold

The Wall Street nights have seen strange sights

But the strangest ever, I’m told

Was that year, oh so mean, known as twenty thirteen

When the last of the wealth was sold.

About the Author

  165 Comments

ag4me
Dec 30, 2013 - 1:23pm

first

first...now to read

Patrancus
Dec 30, 2013 - 1:23pm

indeed my blood

is running cold

Urban Roman
Dec 30, 2013 - 1:30pm
TreeTop Dweller
Dec 30, 2013 - 1:45pm
ag1969
Dec 30, 2013 - 1:48pm

Awesome Pining

So Ben boarded his aircraft

After giving America a stiff shaft

And began to head for the border

Never to return

To the Sovereign People he'd burned

And surrendered to the New World Order

His Legacy you say?

I will tell you today

He is no good, a fraud, a zero

But our congress is too

and all they will do

is raise him up as a hero.

And so Ben I say to you today that I hope you live your life looking over your shoulder, Asshole!

bullion only
Dec 30, 2013 - 1:49pm

Only to continue in 2014?

The million dollar question. What am I thinking? There are no more million dollar questions. That went out with the Kennedy era.

Even billion dollar questions are for amatures.

Trillion is what I'm talking about!

BTW do you accept bitcoins for that?

RT

arch stanton
Dec 30, 2013 - 2:00pm

your stuff

is always amazing, but this takes you to whole new level. Thanks and happy new year to all in Turdville

foxenburg
Dec 30, 2013 - 2:11pm

This has been going on for a

This has been going on for a long time. Can we please agree some benchmarks so we can revisit them in 2014 and agree on whether we were right or wrong? For example, if the Comex is running out of gold etc can we pick a date, and perhaps add a few months or whatever, and say "they ought to have gone bust by now or else we were wrong"? We seem to be saying month after month, year after year, that vaults are empty, the gold has all gone to China, etc and yet we still see slamdowns whenever gold puts on $20 an ounce. What will it take for us to admit that we were wrong?

ag1969
Dec 30, 2013 - 2:16pm

foxenburg

What is this "we" stuff?

"You" can admit you were wrong and sell all your metal for paper, go for it!

"I" am still thinking "I" am 100% right and the fiat ponzi dollar is going down in a ball of flames.

I think "you" should take a hard look around you. If you don't see collapse everywhere, good for you. Everything is going to be just great!

ArtL
Dec 30, 2013 - 2:18pm

My blood does run cold

with the realization of the problems we will face in coming years, with the coming collapse of the USD.

Key Economic Events Week of 1/13

1/14 8:30 ET CPI
1/14 9:00 ET Goon Williams
1/15 8:30 ET PPI and Empire Fed
1/16 8:30 ET Retail Sales and Philly Fed
1/17 8:30 ET Housing Starts
1/17 9:15 Et Cap Ute and Ind Prod

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Key Economic Events Week of 1/13

1/14 8:30 ET CPI
1/14 9:00 ET Goon Williams
1/15 8:30 ET PPI and Empire Fed
1/16 8:30 ET Retail Sales and Philly Fed
1/17 8:30 ET Housing Starts
1/17 9:15 Et Cap Ute and Ind Prod

Key Economic Events Week of 1/6

1/7 8:30 ET US trade deficit
1/7 10:00 ET ISM Services PMI
1/7 10:00 ET Factory Orders
1/8 8:15 ET ADP employment
1/9 8:00 ET Goon Chlamydia speech
1/9 1:20 ET Goon Evans 2:00 ET Goon Bullard
1/10 8:30 ET BLSBS
1/10 10:00 ET Wholesale Inventories

Key Economic Events Week of 12/16

12/16 8:30 ET Empire State Manu Idx
12/16 9:45 ET Markit flash PMIs Dec
12/17 8:30 ET Housing Starts and Bldg Perms
12/17 9:15 ET Cap Ute and Ind Prod
12/19 8:30 ET Philly Fed
12/20 8:30 ET Final guess Q3 GDP
12/20 10:00 ET Pers Inc and Spending
12/20 10:00 ET Core Inflation

Key Economic Events Week of 12/9

12/10 8:30 ET Productivity and Unit Labor Costs
12/11 8:30 ET CPI
12/11 2:00 pm ET FOMC fedlines
12/11 2:30 pm ET CGP presser
12/12 8:30 ET PPI
12/13 8:30 ET Retail Sales
12/13 10:00 ET Business Inventories
12/13 11:00 ET Goon Williams speech

Key Economic Events Week of 12/2

12/2 9:45 ET Markit Manu PMI
12/2 10:00 ET ISM Manu PMI
12/2 10:00 ET Construction Spending
12/4 9:45 ET Markit Services PMI
12/4 10:00 ET ISM Services PMI
12/5 8:30 ET Trade Deficit
12/5 10:00 ET Factory Orders
12/6 8:30 ET BLSBS
12/6 10:00 ET Wholesale Inventories

Key Economic Events Week of 11/25

11/25 8:30 ET Chicago Fed Nat'l Idx
11/25 7:00 pm ET CGP speech
11/26 8:30 ET Advance Trade
11/26 9:00 ET Case-Shiller home prices
11/26 10:00 ET New home sales
11/26 10:00 ET Consumer Confidence
11/27 8:30 ET Q3 GDP 2nd guess
11/27 8:30 ET Durable Goods
11/27 9:45 ET Chicago PMI
11/27 10:00 ET Pers Inc & Cons Spndg
11/27 10:00 ET Core inflation
11/27 2:00 pm ET Beige Book

Key Economic Events Week of 11/18

11/19 8:30 ET Housing Starts & Bldg Perms
11/20 2:00 ET October FOMC minutes
11/21 8:30 ET Philly Fed
11/21 10:00 ET Existing Home Sales
11/22 9:45 ET Markit November Flash PMIs

Key Economic Events Week of 11/11

11/12 Three Fed Goon speeches
11/13 8:30 ET CPI
11/13 11:00 ET CGP on Capitol Hill
11/14 8:30 ET PPI
11/14 Four Fed Goon speeches
11/14 10:00 ET CGP on Capitol Hill
11/15 8:30 ET Retail Sales
11/15 8:30 ET Empire State Manu Index
11/15 9:15 ET Cap Ute and Ind Prod
11/15 10:00 ET Business Inventories

Key Economic Events Week of 11/4

11/4 10:00 ET Factory Orders
11/5 9:45 ET Markit Services PMI
11/5 10:00 ET ISM Services PMI
11/6 8:30 ET Productivity & Labor Costs
11/6 Speeches by Goons Williams, Harker and Evans
11/8 10:00 ET Consumer Sentiment
11/8 10:00 ET Wholesale Inventories

Key Economic Events Week of 10/28

10/30 8:30 ET Q3 GDP first guess
10/30 2:00 ET FOMC fedlines
10/30 2:30 ET CGP presser
10/31 8:30 ET Personal Income & Spending
10/31 8:30 ET Core Inflation
10/31 9:45 ET Chicago PMI
11/1 8:30 ET BLSBS
11/1 9:45 ET Markit Manu PMI
1/1 10:00 ET ISM Manu PMI

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